i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
