She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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