its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
