AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
