addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
