I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
