people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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