I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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