I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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