you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
