That's when you crack a 10am beer
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
