i love accidental penises.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
