Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
