turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
