Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
