you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
