what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
