i permit you to call me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
