he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
