WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
