Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
