I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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