theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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