Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
