She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
