Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
