Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
