Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
