she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize