pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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