chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drake has all the answers
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
