I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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