this just has baby written all over it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
