I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
