she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
