fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
