Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
