the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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