I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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