I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
