Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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