I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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