just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
