She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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