I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
