you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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