it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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