The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
