Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
