I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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