She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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