We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
