i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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