even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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