Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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