I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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