I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
