I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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