What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
