I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
