Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
