I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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