Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's like heaven, but drunker
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
