Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
