the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
