My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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