well I can't set my house on fire every night
This house was built for laser tag.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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