We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
