I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
