He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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