i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
