Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
