i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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