You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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