After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think i got beer on your cat.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
