WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
