Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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