I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
